being dumped.

I think most people would agree that being dumped is not a fun thing. It generally really sucks, in fact. After a year and a half of what I thought to be the most perfect relationship imaginable, I was dumped. And man, did it hurt. For a month now I have been wallowing in self pity and refusing to move on or let myself be happy. I haven't thought about anything but this boy and I haven't even tried. I still have hope, you see, that he will suddenly realize what a horrible, horrible mistake he made and come back to me. This, I suppose, is somewhat ridiculous. I am no different than anyone else whose boyfriend goes to college. It happens to people every day. Hearts are broken, dreams are crushed, and people move on. Trouble is, I've been convinced that I AM different. That it couldn't happen to me. I realize that I was wrong.

Today during mass (church) at school I did a lot of thinking and a lot of praying. I've been praying all month and have gone back and forth between emotionally stable and crazy, lovesick lunatic. Today, though, I really prayed. And devoted all of mass to reflecting on how I've been acting and how I've been treating this boy. I haven't let go, and that is so unfair to him. So today I decided to let go. God has been sending me little signals and I have truly felt him saying 'TRUST ME!' all day long. So that is what I'm doing. I am letting go. Not giving up.... Not losing hope.... Not even necessarily moving on.... but letting go. I am trusting that God will show me the way to happiness and show me what is right for me. Only He truly knows what's in store for my future, so what else is there to do, really, except listen and trust? No happiness can come from ignoring what God tries to tell us.

I've waited my whole life for God to talk to me. I wanted to hear his booming voice and really feel his words. Today I realized that isn't how it works. You have to open your heart to God in order to really hear what he has to say. It doesn't come in a phone call or over a microphone. It isn't always loud and clear. But God's will can be seen if we all just step back and listen up. I had never done that until this past month. So I think that is the blessing in being dumped. I have spent so much time listening to God and just reflecting on my life and current situation that I have finally seen what He intends for me-- at least I am starting to see. The point being, I have found true joy for the first time in over a month. And I am so grateful for that. So glad that I had the sense, for once, to just listen and trust.