new friends.

So happy that after tonight the fall musical will be over. It has been an incredible experience for me and definitely pulled me out of my comfort zone. However, it has also required a major time commitment, so I'm ready to have some more time to myself.

When the play began, none of my close friends were in the cast. I was pretty nervous about this at first, but it soon became clear that my fears weren't necessary. I made so many good friends in the cast and got to know people who I would never have talked to if it weren't for this show. I'm so grateful for all the new people in my life thanks to this musical and so happy that I've made new friends.

New friends really are so great. It's exciting to have new, stimulating conversation with people who are unfamiliar. I love getting to know people and embracing their quirks and personalities. It is so fun to learn about what makes a person unique and discovering how they are similar to you. Nothing brings more joy than a friend, especially a new one.

being dumped.

I think most people would agree that being dumped is not a fun thing. It generally really sucks, in fact. After a year and a half of what I thought to be the most perfect relationship imaginable, I was dumped. And man, did it hurt. For a month now I have been wallowing in self pity and refusing to move on or let myself be happy. I haven't thought about anything but this boy and I haven't even tried. I still have hope, you see, that he will suddenly realize what a horrible, horrible mistake he made and come back to me. This, I suppose, is somewhat ridiculous. I am no different than anyone else whose boyfriend goes to college. It happens to people every day. Hearts are broken, dreams are crushed, and people move on. Trouble is, I've been convinced that I AM different. That it couldn't happen to me. I realize that I was wrong.

Today during mass (church) at school I did a lot of thinking and a lot of praying. I've been praying all month and have gone back and forth between emotionally stable and crazy, lovesick lunatic. Today, though, I really prayed. And devoted all of mass to reflecting on how I've been acting and how I've been treating this boy. I haven't let go, and that is so unfair to him. So today I decided to let go. God has been sending me little signals and I have truly felt him saying 'TRUST ME!' all day long. So that is what I'm doing. I am letting go. Not giving up.... Not losing hope.... Not even necessarily moving on.... but letting go. I am trusting that God will show me the way to happiness and show me what is right for me. Only He truly knows what's in store for my future, so what else is there to do, really, except listen and trust? No happiness can come from ignoring what God tries to tell us.

I've waited my whole life for God to talk to me. I wanted to hear his booming voice and really feel his words. Today I realized that isn't how it works. You have to open your heart to God in order to really hear what he has to say. It doesn't come in a phone call or over a microphone. It isn't always loud and clear. But God's will can be seen if we all just step back and listen up. I had never done that until this past month. So I think that is the blessing in being dumped. I have spent so much time listening to God and just reflecting on my life and current situation that I have finally seen what He intends for me-- at least I am starting to see. The point being, I have found true joy for the first time in over a month. And I am so grateful for that. So glad that I had the sense, for once, to just listen and trust.

anticipation

My favorite place in the whole world is Camp Tecumseh. Yesterday I got to visit for about an hour to drop my sister off. I was so happy to run into these awesome people:

I love Maddy and Sarah. They are so fun and so great. They were both part of the best summer of my life during which I learned the true meaning of joy. I can't wait to travel back to camp tomorrow to see so many more fun people at staff training. staff training. It seems so weird that I will be on staff this year. I don't feel like I'm that old. But I am so beyond excited for this whole summer and I know it will be just awesome. Another Tecumseh summer full of joy.

blog hop #2

3 things I did last year that I really loved:

1. CILTS. Campers In Leadership Training. This was without a doubt the best experience of my life. Not only was it the best year I've ever had at Camp Tecumseh, it was also the time I made some of the best friends I've ever had. I learned that joy is an active choice and a decision during CILTS. It changed my life and I've never loved any experience so much as I loved those 2 weeks last summer. (even if I did have mono).

2. This year I brought my friend Isabela along on spring break with my family. We went to Captiva, Florida and spent a whole week in paradise. I go to Captiva every year with my family, but I've never had a friend go with me. Since I basically just like to relax and be lazy when I'm there, I was a little nervous about having Izzy come with me. She's so fun and full of energy and I wasn't sure if my spring break would go as planned. I was right-- it did not go as planned. It was SO MUCH BETTER. I've never had so much fun on vacation. We read books, swam in the ocean, had many delicious seafood dinners, caught some rays, slept in, watched movies, and so many other fun things. I loved spring break with Isabela and I'm so glad she came with me.

3. I know it seems silly and cliche to say that one of my favorite things from this year was prom... but I really had a great time! I spent the night eating, dancing, and talking with great people- some of my favorite things! Just being around so many great friends made it really fun and I'm glad that TJ and I got to go out and have fun for one of the last times before he moves. Prom was great fun and definitely one of the most fun times I've had this year.

3 songs I listened to a lot this year:


1. Gravity by Sara Bareilles

2. What Love Really Means by JJ Heller

3. Magic by B.o.B.

3 people I didn't know before this year that were main characters in my life:


1. Sarah Wright. I met Sarah at Camp Tecumseh last summer during CILTS. She was one of my counselors. Even though we had a few bonding moments during the session, I feel like were really became close at home in Carmel. Whether it has been going to Mellow Mushroom, to Orange Leaf, to North Central's choir concert, or to Michaels, I always have a blast with her. I can tell her anything and call her any time. Our friendship started at camp and grew through that common interest, but I am so so happy that we carried our friendship into the real world.

2. Molly Henry. Molly was a CILT too, but she went during a different session than I did. Luckily, the CILT reunion last December let us meet for the first time! Molly and I both love Harry Potter, Diet Coke, Camp, and a bunch of other really great things. I'm so glad we met and that we still spend a lot of time together at home. Going out to dinner and just doing fun things with Molly is such a blast and I'm super glad we became friends.

3. Mary Claire Clemons. Mary Claire maybe doesn't realize how big of an impact she had on me. When we met during CILTS last summer, I was so inspired by her kind, bubbly, exciting personality. She was so much fun to be around and I wished I could be that energetic and fun all the time. Even though we haven't done very well at keeping in touch since summer (since we live in different states), seeing her at both CILT reunions felt like no time had passed at all, and I'll see her again for Day Camp in just about a week or so. I know we'll have so much fun this summer and I hope we can keep our friendship strong for a long time.

visit some other blogs for more lists like these:

My Life (In Lists)

Overlap

As Life Unfolds

Defining Life

Life in Color

Live Today Well

Little Things, Big Joy

friendship bracelets

My friend Colleen is pretty brilliant. Here's her favorite way to find joy.

 okay so i had to write an essay about a cherished destination so obvi i wrote something camp related. here it is:

My cherished destination is not really one place. Its a clipboard with some colorful string attachted to it. My cherished destination is when I am making a friendship bracelet. I love friendship bracelets. I love how they are colorful. I love how they can remind you that you are loved. I love how they can be complex but amazingly simple at the same time. But the thing I love most about them is that to make a friendship bracelet, you must take mulitple strings and weave them together as one. I think friendship bracelets are a lot like life and life is what i think about when I make them. Sometimes I think about the person I'm making the bracelet for. Other times I comtemplate how my day is going. Sometimes I think about camp and how much I miss it. But mainly I think about joy. Making a bracelet brings me joy and relaxes me. It makes me realized that not everything valuable in life can be bought. I dont know of a single person- boy or girl- who doesn't love to recieve a friendship bracelet. A simple act of giving can brighten anyone's day. Currently I am making two bracelets: one for my friend Audrey and one for someone I feel needs it. Weaving those brightly colored strings together to form something coveted and beautiful reminds me that there are things weaving together in my life that make me beautiful and coveted. My colors may be different than someone else's but that doesn't make them ugly. Many people do not understand why I make bracelets or they make fun of me during class as I silently weave. But it doesnt matter to me. Making a friendship bracelet reminds me to slow down, make the right 4 knot, pull and move on. It reminds me to give joy and recieve joy. It reminds me that I am beautiful.

the little things

Right now I am sitting in Paradise Cafe. I came here to study but got sidetracked and now I'm blogging. Blogging is better. So there are times where I feel somewhat uncomfortable going places by myself. This is not a place where I feel like that. The inside is so warm and cozy and I love just hogging a nice big booth with nothing but homework, diet coke, and some DELICIOUS chocolate chip cookies. Did I mention that Paradise makes the BEST chocolate chip cookies on the whole planet? because they do. Anyways. I'm just so grateful to be here, alone or with company, enjoying the peace and being somewhat productive. It is nice to see the joy that a little alone time can bring.. or a little diet coke.

blog hop.

So lots of people from camp have blogs. We decided to make some lists with the same headings and all post them on the same day at the same general time. 

LISTS

My rules/advice for life

1.    Eat delicious foods.

2.    Treat EVERYONE, even the people you really don’t like, as though they are Christ. Because Christ is in all of us.

3.    Drink at least one diet coke a day. It’s really okay.

4.    Sing often. In the shower, in the car, at church, in your room—everywhere.

5.    Be outgoing. Making new friends is really fun.

6.    Make time for God—pray often.

7.    Be FRIENDLY! So many more people will like you if you’re friendly and not mean. Smiles go a long way.

8.    Respect life. All of it in all situations. Even respect the lives of the unborn and terrorists and annoying people. In fact, especially respect those lives.

9.    Do NOT procrastinate. It is never a good thing to do.

10.  Live every day like your only goal is to get to heaven.

10 random things about me

1.    I used to have a dog named Cranston. He was named after a city in Rhode Island that my parents lived in when they were first married.

2.    On average, I have about two diet cokes each day. Frequently more.

3.    Once I ate 1.5 burritos from Qdoba.

4.    I hate when there is warm chicken on a cold salad.

5.    I can answer any question about Harry Potter. Seriously.

6.    I LOVE pictures. Taking pictures, looking at pictures, collecting pictures, framing pictures—they are just great.

7.    I collect tickets from events I attended.

8.    I have never broken a bone! Yay!

9.    I usually don’t like swimming very much.

10.  I have attended Camp Tecumseh since I was 8 years old. This summer will be my tenth and I will finally be a counselor, just like I always dreamed.

Ten things I love about Camp Tecumseh

1.    I hate exercise. But at camp, things like running in a game or playing ultimate Frisbee or walking all over the place aren’t exercise anymore—they’re just fun! I love that we walk EVERYWHERE and that by the end of the day I feel completely exhausted (but in a good way).

2.    Somehow, playing mafia never gets old.

3.    I love mealtime prayers. At home I am so accustomed to saying, “Bless us O Lord and these, thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord Amen”. This is a great mealtime prayer, but it is so engraved in my head that I don’t even think about what I’m saying when I say it anymore. That’s why at camp it is so nice to sing fun prayers before meals—motions and all. Singing Johnny Appleseed or the Superman prayer allows me to think about the words I am saying and TRULY thank God for my meal!

4.    There is literally singing everywhere. I love this so much. There is singing before every meal. There is singing at chapel. There is singing DURING meals. There is singing at opening and closing campfire. There is singing in the woods, on main field, on the archery course, and back by the horses. There is singing in the shower and during long walks from River to Lake. I can’t emphasize enough how much I love the constant singing at camp.

5.    I know this is what everyone says, but I can’t leave it out. Devotions. It is so nice to come together as a cabin and just relax. I love hearing everyone’s highs and lows. Lots of times people will have the same or similar ones—but when something unique pops up it is so cool to hear. Talking about God and faith with people of all different kinds of backgrounds and experiences is so cool. Sitting together in a circle with nothing but the candlelight and soft whispers of prayers is even cooler.

6.    POP STOP! Duh, my daily diet coke is there so obviously it’s one of my favorite things about camp.

7.    I really enjoy that there are no phones or computers or TVs. Most people might not appreciate this. And sometimes I do get a little frustrated that I can’t talk to my parents or friends from home at all the whole time I’m away. But honestly, there isn’t much time for things like texting or making phone calls. I don’t really find myself wishing that I had my phone or a computer or TV too much during the week because there are activities going on non-stop all day long. And when it’s time for bed and there is finally a break? I am so exhausted that I’m asleep before I can think twice about technology.

8.    I don’t have to do my hair or wear any makeup or pick out cute clothes. Ever.

9.    THE FOOD!!!! Oh my gosh, the food. Seriously, I realize it is just cafeteria food, but really it is soo much more. IT IS DELICIOUS. AMAZING. PERFECT. I love it so so much.

10.  Making new friends is the best part. Even if you bring your BFF from home, it’s pretty much impossible not to make a new great friend. AND you will love that friend. Chances are, you won’t spend as much time with your friend from home as you will with new people. The thing is, EVERYONE is nice. And awesome. Everyone loves Camp for the same or similar reasons. Everyone just wants to make friends with you, too. And everyone is looking for a good time. Everyone gets along. AND I LOVE IT!

VIEW MORE LISTS HERE:

My Life (In Lists)

Overlap

As Life Unfolds

A Year of Joy- Project 365

Defining Life

Life in Color

Live Today Well

Little Things, Big Joy

all of april

SO many things have happened this month. I guess I should start with spring break. Usually this is just a family vacation for me so I wouldn't have much to talk about. But this year, I got to bring one of my best best best friends ever, Isabela. Isa is such a happy, wonderful, friendly girl. So, naturally, she was a great source of joy on this much needed vacation. We spent the week in Captiva, Florida along with our other friends Kristina and Olivia. I swear it is the most beautiful place in the entire world.

Aside from the glorious relief of spring break, I have been very busy with school and the musical. Guerin did 'The Music Man' this spring and it has been very hectic for the last several weeks, but once it was showtime I knew the hard work had paid off.

It was SO great to see Molly Sarah and Ellyn at opening night.

The last thing that was just absolutely fantastic about this month was my one-day trip to Tecumseh for the day camp open house! Not only did I finally get to spend more time with Colleen, I got to know Ellyn a little better on the bus, saw Shannon for the first time since summer, met Marc and a TON of others, and made some great friends in a few visiting youngsters!

April has been a very stressful month. However, within the stress I've been able to find some joy. It has just taken a lot more effort than usual. It's easy to be joyful on a tropical island or at Camp Tecumseh. It's a little harder to be joyful when you're staying up until 2 am every night for an entire week doing homework. Difficult, but not impossible. Joy is all around us. We just need to look for it.

more to come, i swear.

TOP JOY THIS WEEK:
1. Guerin's spring musical, The Music Man, opened on Thursday and had 2 more shows on Friday and Saturday. Big shock: IT WENT SO WELL!
2. I GOT HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART ONE AFTER SCHOOL ON FRIDAY!!!
3. I went to Camp Tecumseh today. Obviously that makes it a good day.
4. I had five diet cokes, one coffee frappacino, and one jamoca shake, plus lots of food today.
5. I JUST FEEL SO HAPPY!

* On a side note, I have not been keeping my promise to myself and posting once a week. I can't help it. I shouldn't even be posting now I have SO much to do. But soon I'll catch up.

team CILT

There is nowhere on Earth that I feel more joy than at Camp Tecumseh. It's so great because no matter where you come from, everyone there will love you no matter what. The support and love and teamwork that I have gotten to share in for the past ten years of my life has been phenomenal. I feel so blessed to know such wonderful people and so blessed that I got to spend YET ANOTHER weekend there last weekend-- March 19+20. I arrived early with Sarah to help set up for the day and it was both fun and confusing. Fun because I got to see secret storage rooms and offices that I had never been in before. Confusing because I could not understand why on earth we needed a rope and exactly 98 plastic bugs for the day's activities. When everyone else started arriving, I was so excited.

I was also so excited to see both old and new counselors over the weekend. I see Sarah all the time at home, but it was so awesome to meet Carolyn and Linsey. They are such great girls who totally understand Camp and its purpose in all of our lives.

Seeing Beef for the first time since summer was awesome. He couldn't make it to the winter reunion and though that was a major disappointment, we were all sooo glad to see him this time around. He was really excited to be in the picture instead of holding the camera in this pic.

So it didn't take too long before I discovered what the plastic bugs were for. A nice little scavenger hunt where we had to hunt them down in River Village cabins. For about 20 or 25 minutes this game was great. Everyone felt super competitive and ready to win. After we had been searching for a half hour and were told that there were still over 50 bugs left hidden in cabins, we decided it was not fun anymore. 

The theme dinner was 'remember when this was cool?'. There were soccer uniforms, overalls galore, gauchos, crocs, and scrunchies. Everyone was unique and crazy-- it was Camp at its finest. The best part of dinner was watching everyone do the Berney.... or Molls adding some funny laughter to 'our song' as we stood on our chairs singing.... or singing the cucumber song with Mary Claire and Colleen at flagpole.... or dancing to Every Time we Touch..... or eating waaayyy to much pizza with Mary Claire. Basically dinner was the bomb. 

Devotions were pretty sad, but also encouraging. Everyone opened up to the group and let go of the fear of judgement or embarrassment. We shared our deepest secrets and hardest battles. We made ourselves completely vulnerable and for that reason we all became closer. I know that the circle we sat in was full of trust and love and support. I'm so grateful to have Team CILT to lean on and so glad that I can be there for all those people too. It was amazing to realize that even the people I barely know like Soaps or Linsey could relate to me and show me that they care. I couldn't believe how many people were going through the same situations as me. It was even harder to believe how many people were going through even tougher situations. It was sad to hear those stories, but it was so important that we all shared those things. It is so important that we know we can rely on each other.

I love you Team CILT. Thank you for being there for me and allowing me to be there for all of you.

a little late

I love my (usually) weekly dinners with Sarah Wright and sometimes Molly Henry. They are the best. We laugh together and talk about just whatever we think of. Sometimes we're serious, sometimes we're downright goofy, but we always have fun. Last Thursday we ate at Mellow Mushroom. It was super delicious. We all had diet coke which was great. We talked about the upcoming CILT reunion 2. I cannot wait. Going to camp always brings me so much joy. Just seeing or talking to camp people gets me feeling happy and energized-- actually going there makes me beyond joyous. Anyways. I'm just very lucky to have these two awesome girls in my life and I'm so glad I get to spend a pretty good amount of time with them both.

round 2

My favorite place on this entire wonderful planet is Camp Tecumseh. Ever since I was but a wee 8 year old, I have been spending my summers there. It's a fabulous place that has many magical things like baked oatmeal, the black hole, the blob, flies at lunch, and mud hikes. Singing and screaming and laughing can be heard round the clock and there are pretty much always smiles on every face. So last summer I got to be a CILT- camper in leadership training! I was at camp learning to be a super awesome leader for 2 whole weeks with some outstanding people who I grew to love very quickly. LUCKILY we had a reunion in December at which not only did I get to see my friends from the summer, I got to see other CILTS who went to camp later that summer, too! It was wonderful. That reunion was such a good time and it was so sad to go home when it was over.

Today I received fabulous news that filled me with an outstanding amount of joy. WE ARE HAVING A REUNION NUMBER TWO. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN CAMP HISTORY. MARCH 19 & 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

best. day. ever.
memory time: